


To belong || modern Newsies || Spralmer

by NoName20031



Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:07:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25960312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoName20031/pseuds/NoName20031
Summary: Spot, Albert, Race and Elmer live happily together. They're all boyfriends.What happens if one of them isn't happy.This story involves depression and panic attacks and some more. If you are easily triggered please do not read.Not everything will be correct, but I write stuff like I feel it or how I think people feel. And my people skills are rusty so some things will not be as a person would react, but yeah what should I know about that.If you are from America please tell me: do you put bacon in you pancakes? (This question makes sense somewhere in the story)
Relationships: Albert DaSilva/Elmer (Newsies), Albert DaSilva/Racetrack Higgins, Elmer (Newsies)/Racetrack Higgins, Spot Conlon/Albert DaSilva, Spot Conlon/Albert DaSilva/Elmer (Newsies)/Racetrack Higgins, Spot Conlon/Elmer (Newsies), Spot Conlon/Racetrack Higgins
Comments: 7
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

Emptiness. That was all that he felt. A big black hole right in his heart. It isn't that he doesn't love his boyfriends, but he had this feeling. Feeling a bit like an outcast in their relationship.   
He laid there in the bed. Spot on his right side and Albert curled in his left. Race had left to go to the bathroom. Both of the boys that were beside him were sleeping peacefully.   
They look so damn beautiful. Elmer thought as he went with one of his hands through Spot's hair. When Race was back he took Elmer's place and Elmer went to the bathroom. He didn't actually need to, but he was going crazy. He looked in the mirror right into his own eyes. There was no emotion but sadness and disgust. He hated himself.   
"Why are you still here." He began talking to himself.   
"They love you."  
"No they don't. You are just another burden."  
"No they don't think that."  
"Yes they do." Without another word he had agreed with himself.

"Morning beautiful." Albert's voice startled Elmer. He hadn't noticed his boyfriend entering.   
"Hello handsome." He whispered back while placing a kiss on the redhead's lips. He put on a fake smile. Just like he had done that whole month. He didn't want to be a burden to them.

* * *

"I'm gonna go for a walk. Wanna join me?" Race whispered into Elmer's ear. Elmer could feel arms wrap around him from the back.   
"Why don't you take Spot and Albert. I wanted to clean the house, but with you three pigs in it it's never getting clean." Elmer leaned his head back so it could rest on Race's shoulder.   
"Alright big bad wolf. We'll leave you to it. Just promise you will go walk with me tomorrow." Race chuckled and pressed a kiss on Elmer's cheek.   
"Promise."   
"Spottie, Albie. Let's go walking. Elmer just kicked us out so he can clean." Race grinned as he called for the other boys and started to head out. The other two stormed out quickly after.   
"See you soon, babe." Spot said over his shoulder before closing the door.   
See that they don't need you. His mind was telling him.   
"Shut up." He said.   
They'll be happier without you here. The voice wouldn't stop.   
"Shut up!" He began yelling. A loud crash got him out of his thoughts. He had dropped the plate that he wanted to put into the dishwasher.   
"DAMN IT!" He began yelling at himself.

Burden

You break everything

Can't do anything right

His mind was telling him things as Elmer stormed upstairs to the bedroom. He locked the door and sat against it with his knees to his chest and his head buried in his arms. Sobs began to escape his body.   
"Why am I so pathetic." He whispered to himself. He tried to hold his breath to stop the cries from coming out but he failed non the less.   
You can make an end to it you know. Elmer shook his head. He couldn't. Or maybe he could. He stood up carefully and stumbled to the bathroom and grabbed the razors that he had used that morning. He didn't dare look into the mirror, but when he accidentally did while walking out he broke into another sob while smashing the mirror. Blood was streaming down his hand, but he didn't care.   
Pathetic. He walked towards the bedroom again and locked to door.   
"Damnit." He looked at the clock that hung above the bed. It's been an hour since his boyfriends had left, which ment that they'd could be home every second. He heard the front door shut with a loud bang as if on que.   
"Ellie?" He heard Albert say from downstairs. Elmer tried to hold back the sobs.   
"Damnit Elmer!" He then heard Race yell. He had probably found the broken plate by then.   
"Babe where are you?" Spot's voice sounded full of concern. Someone was walking up the stairs. A gasp sounded. The mirror.   
"Elmer! Answer me please." Race's voice sounded desperate and was really close this time. Someone was trying to open the door, but couldn't.   
"Honey, can you please let us in?" Albert's voice was soft. It made Elmer's sob escape and he couldn't do anything to stop it. There were all kinds of noises on the other side of the door, but Elmer's sobs made him deaf for everything that happened there.   
Burden.   
"No." Elmer said not to answer his boyfriend, but his own mind. However the boys didn't know this.   
"Why not?" Spot's calm voice whispered from the other side of the door. Elmer didn't answer. The razor in his hand slowly moved up towards his arm. With a quick movement he made a cut. Blood pored slowly down his arm, but it wasn't much. He then cut one right under it and wanted to make another one, but was stopped by a hand taking away the razor. He looked up and noticed the open window. Damn the fire escape.   
"Hey, Elmer, it's alright." Race whispered. He moved towards him so he could hug him or at least move him away from the door so he could let his other boyfriends in, but Elmer flinched away from the touch.   
"Baby it's me." Tears were coming down from his eyes.   
See how much of a burden you are! You make those you love cry.   
Elmer quickly stood up and wanted to run out of the door forgetting his two other boyfriends who were on the other side.   
"Hold him!" Race yelled. He was to slow to stop Elmer himself, but knew Spot and Albert could. Elmer tried to man-oeuvre around them, but a pair of strong arms wrapped around him. He struggled to break free, but it didn't work.   
"Breath, baby, breath." Spot whispered in his ear. Albert grabbed his hand and placed in on his breast so they could breath together. Elmer struggled at first, but calmed down after a few minutes and fell unconscious in Spot's arms. He carried him bridal style to the bed and laid him down carefully.   
"He looks so peaceful." Race whispered with tears in his eyes.   
"Why don't you two lay with him, while I go clean up." Albert whispered and the two other boys nodded. They laid down and both wrapped their arms around the sleeping boy.   
"We need to talk to him when he wakes." Spot whispered and Race nodded in return.   
"And clean those cuts." Race added. Spot sighed.   
"I just don't understand why he would do this to himself."   
"Me neither, but we gotta help him. I don't wanna lose him." Race curled into Elmer's side a little more and wrapped Elmer's arm around himself to reassure him he was there with them and save.


	2. Chapter 2

It had taken Albert a while to clean the mess that Elmer had made. When he finally made it to the bedroom, he saw his boyfriends sleeping. He laid down besides Race with a small smile. He turned a little and wrapped one of his arms around Albert, who placed a small kiss on his brow.

* * *

It was around dinner time when they woke up to a soft cry. Elmer was sitting up in the bed with his knees pulled up again.   
"Hey... Hey." Spot said while sitting next to Elmer and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "It's okay." He kissed the crying boy on the cheek. Elmer buried his face in Spot's chest and started to cry harder, but he wanted to stop at the same time. This let to him couching after a minute.   
"Hey babe, you need to breath." Albert laid his hand on Elmer's leg. Race took Elmer's hand and repeated what Albert had done the day before by pressing both of Elmer's hands on his chest and breathed with him.   
"Nice and slow, Ellie, just follow mine." Elmer began to breath with him and relaxed in their hold, but he wasn't back to his happy self.  
"Why don't we talk about it during dinner." Race suggested. "I'll make my famous lasagna." Albert and Spot nodded, but Elmer stayed silent. Race stood up and went down.

Elmer dug his nails in his palm as soon as Race had released his hands.  
 _Pathetic. You made them sad. You can't do anything right._ His mind screamed at him and he wanted to scream back, but he didn't.   
_Worthless_

_Burden_

_You hurt the people you love._

He began pushing his nails in his palms harder every time his mind yelled at him. He was pulled out of his thoughts when warm and soft hands pulled his own away from each other.   
"Don't." was all that Spot said. Elmer looked up and saw that Albert had left. Probably went to set the table. Elmer looked at their intertwined hands.   
" 'm sorry." He mumbled.  
"It's okay baby." Spot said. Elmer didn't have the time to argue, because they were called down for dinner. Spot didn't let go of Elmer's hand as they walked down and set at the table. There was a piece of lasagna on each of the plates and there was a candle lit on the middle of the round table. They began to eat in silence. No one wanted to say something to upset the others, but someone had to break through the silence.  
"Elmer, what happened?" Albert was the first one to speak.  
 _Why don't you tell them and upset them some more._ Elmer's mind mocked him.   
"Nothing." He said. His mind had won the war.   
"There is something. You're not just crying on the ground and cutting your arm if there's nothing." Race said a little harsher than meant, which let to a glare from Spot.  
"Baby, we need to know what is happening so we can help you." Spot rubbed his hand on Elmer's back. He was still tense.  
 _Why don't you just tell them what's wrong. Let them know you're a failure._ A silent tear fell down his face.   
"Hey honey, it's okay. We won't judge you." Albert whispered from his other side. Elmer sighed.  
"I- I'm-" Elmer couldn't finish his sentence. _STUPID._ His mind was screaming again.  
"You're what?" Race grabbed his hands from the other side of the table.  
"I'm a b- burden. A failure. A-" Elmer whispered, but was cut of by Spot.  
"No you're not. Why would you think so?"  
"I hurt people. I break things."   
"Honey everyone breaks things now and then." All Elmer could do was shake his head.   
"Can we not talk about this?" he asked softly.   
"Elmer, you need to talk about it. Otherwise we can't help." Elmer shook his head. He didn't want to talk. He grabbed his glass of water and took a sip. His hands were sweaty and shaking, which made the glass slip from his hands and crash onto the ground. Shards of glass were everywhere. Elmer stood up and stepped backwards until his back hit the wall.  
"Hey, it's okay." Spot said with a soft voice. He reached out, but as soon as his hand touched Elmer, he was pushed back.   
"Elmer it's alright." Race said from his spot at the table. He was unable to move from shock.   
"N- no." Was all Elmer could bring out.  
"Why don't you just go sit down on the couch and we clean up the table." Albert said. Elmer nodded in agreement and went to the couch without coming near any of his boyfriends. He laid down and closed his eyes.   
"Hey Ellie, do you want to go to bed?" Race asked after half an hour. The boys were sitting on the chairs around the table. Not wanting to scare Elmer.   
"No." It was soft but they were able to hear it. Spot grabbed his phone and started typing.   
**_Spot made a group chat with Albert and Race._**  
 **Spot: what do we do?**

**Race: I don't know, but we can't touch him. Maybe just hug him tomorrow.**

**Albert: we should at least distract him for now. I can't stand to see him like this.**

**Spot: I agree. Why don't we just play a movie and leave him. I don't think it will help him if we all crowd around him.**

**Race: fine by me**

**Albert: ok**

Spot stood up and grabbed one of their favorite movies from the shelf. It took a minute before it started, but when it did they Spot and Albert left.   
"You go ahead. I'll watch from here for a while. To see if nothing happens." Race said while kissing his boyfriends goodnight.

Albert came down after an hour.   
"Hey babe. Go sleep. I'll watch him for now." Race didn't discuss and headed to bed. Albert dat there for half an hour when he heard a dog snoring coming from the couch. He walked towards the sound and saw Elmer sleeping peacefully. Albert laid a blanket over the sleeping boy without waking him up, turned off the tv and headed upstairs himself.   
"He's asleep." He said softly as he laid down in between his two boyfriends. It didn't take them long before they were all asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

He woke up confused, but he knew what had happened after a minute of thinking.   
_Shit._ Was all he could think. When he saw how late it was he walked up the stairs and into the bedroom.   
Elmer laid down next to his boyfriends.   
"I'm sorry for yesterday." He said just loud enough for them to hear.   
"It's okay." Spot whispered and kissed his brows.   
"I love you, you know that right?" Elmer whispered as he climbed over Spot and laid on top of them.   
"And you just remember that we love you." Race kissed Elmer and the four of them just laid there.

* * *

"You should go to work." Elmer said while standing up. It was now 10:00 am and the three boys had indeed work to do. They had insist that Elmer stayed home for the day, but Elmer wouldn't let them stay home because of him.

It took the three boys half an hour to get out of the house, but now Elmer was alone.

10:30 am  
He put on some music and started singing along with it.

12:30 pm  
Lunch

13:00 pm  
More singing and dancing.

14:30 pm  
He took a shower.

15:00 pm  
He did some of his work at home. His boyfriends couldn't keep him from doing that.

17:00  
The three of his boyfriends should be home every minute so he started cooking. His favorite meal to prepare: spaghetti.

17:30  
They should be home, but they weren't. Elmer looked at his phone. There were not texts or calls. He picked it up to text them, but his hands were slippery which let to him dropping his phone.   
"Damnit!" He screamed as he knelt down beside his phone and looked at the cracked screen. He had managed to break it.   
"Stay calm. Breath in and out slowly." He whispered to himself when he felt his breath getting quicker every time that his lungs pumped air into his body.

18:00  
They were an hour to late. Maybe something happened to them.   
_Car crash._ His mind already went for one of the worst scenarios. But they can't be. Elmer failed to notice his own panic attack and walked out of the door without even thinking. There were sirens all around the city. That was normal, but he kept the feeling that something was wrong. He walked into the park. He didn't even notice when he did it and he still didn't notice where he was. He walked mindlessly searching for his boyfriends. When his mind had cleared a little he regretted going there right away. There were to many people and to much noise. His eyes looked everywhere, but nowhere at the same time. He couldn't see through the blur that now covered his vision. There was a hand on his shoulder and he flinched away walking backwards till his back hit a tree.   
"Elmer. Are you alright?" A voice asked him. It was familiar, but he couldn't quite place it.

* * *

Spot had picked up Albert and Race from work and were on their way home.   
"Damn this traffic jam." Spot murmured under his breath. They were already an hour late and they really wanted to check on Elmer.   
"Elmer doesn't respond to his texts." Race pointed out while staring at his phone.   
"I'll call him." Albert said while pushing some buttons.   
_"This is Elmer's voicemail. Say something after the beep."_ ** _Beep_**  
"Hey babe. We're stuck in a traffic jam, but will be home soon. Please answer your text. Bye." Albert said quickly. Race's phone began ringing before anyone could say anything.   
"Hey Jack. You're on speaker." Race said while putting him on speaker.   
_"Hey. You need to come to the park. Like right now."_ Jack sounded stressed.   
"What happened?" Albert asked from behind Race.   
_"I found Elmer, but his eyes are all glassy and when I touched him he flinched. I don't know what's wrong."_   
"Damn it." Spot cursed under his breath. "Okay, Albert, Race, you two walk there, it's faster, and I'll drive there. We're still stuk in the jam." Race and Albert jumped out of the car without saying anything else. Race left his phone in the car so he could talk to Elmer somehow.   
"Jack put me on speaker." He commanded.   
_"You are now on speaker."_ Jack answered. Spot could hear Elmer breathing uneven better when Jack places his phone next to the panicking boy.   
"Elmer I need you to talk to me. What happened?" He didn't get an answer, just an more uneven breathing pattern.   
"Elmer, breath." Still no change.   
"Jack?"  
 _"Yeah?"_  
"I need you to take his hand and place it on your chest. He may try to pull away, but you need to keep it there so he can breath with you. When he's pulling hard you might as well just pull him in a hug." Spot rambled. He didn't actually know what they needed to do, but he knew that this had helped the other day.   
_"Breath with me okay?"_ He heard Jack from the other side. His tone was soft and comforting.   
_"Just breath."_ There were some other sounds from the other side of the call, but Spot couldn't hear what it was.   
_"Spot?"_ Spot heard the quiet voice of Elmer.   
"I'm here." He said relieved.   
_"Where were you?"_  
"Traffic jam." Was all Spot said.   
_"ELMER!"_ Spot heard from the other side. Race and Albert had finally arrived.

* * *

Race and Spot ran as fast as they could. The park was buzzy and noisy. They saw two figures sitting under a tree.   
"ELMER!" Race knelt down beside his boyfriend and hugged him. Albert was on his other side in no time.   
"We were so worried." Albert said softly while placing a soft kiss on the boy's cheek.   
"What happened?" Jack asked. Race and Albert had forgotten about their friend.   
"I- I dropped my phone and they were an hour late and-" Elmer began. A tear slipped down his cheek again, but he swept it away forcefully.   
_You're just a crybaby_. His mind mocked him.   
"It's alright. We're here now." Race whispered softly.   
_"Can you walk him home?"_ Spot. They had totally forgotten about him.   
"Yeah. You just drive home save. We'll meet you there." There came a sound of approval before the call disconnected.   
"Come on baby. Let's go." Albert said while helping Elmer up.   
"I'm gonna head home. Kath will be wondering where I am." Jack said not wanting to do anything to disturb or upset the boys. "Are you going to be there for Crutchie's birthday next week?"   
"Yeah. We'll be there." Elmer said softly before one of the other boys could answer.


	4. Chapter 4

It's been a week and everything had gone great. Elmer was happy all the time and he had gone back to work. They were all in bed on a Saturday morning.

"Morning." Spot whispered with a soft smile as he saw that Elmer had woken up.   
"Morning." Elmer closed his eyes again and curled into Spot's side. He pulled the blanket over his head. He heard a soft chuckle from his behind him and felt an arm wrap around him.   
"Hidin' are we?" Race's soft voice sounded above the blanket. A cold hand ran it's fingers down his back which made him move closer to Spot.   
"It's Crutchie's birthday. We need to get out of bed." Albert stated before rolling out of said bed. There was an arm wrapped around Spot's stomach before he could even move. He chuckled softly before trying to unwrap the arm, but failed.   
"Al, Race. A little help here please." The two boys came over with big smiles. Race wrapped an arm around Elmer and Albert helped Spot pry of Elmer's arms. This all led to Elmer wrapping his arms around Race and pulling him down with a laugh.   
"Come on hon. We don't wanna be late." Race carried Elmer out of the bed and set him down on the desk in the corner of the room. They kissed before Race pulled away and threw Elmer some clothes and a towel.   
"You smell like Spot's armpits." Race whispered and Elmer laughed.

* * *

They went over to Crutchie's after dinner. It was just a few blocks away so they had decided to walk. Also because they were certain that there would be some alcohol. When they knocked on the door Crutchie was fast to open it.   
"Hey guys!" He said with his usual smile on his face.   
"Congrats!" They all said at the same time. They each hug him and walk inside.   
"A little present from us four." Elmer said with a small smile on his face as he handed it over to Crutchie. Crutchie opened it and saw a photo album inside it. He opened it and a tear of happiness fell down his cheek.  
"It's beautiful." He said softly. "Don't tell Jack, but this present is even better than his."   
"I HEARD THAT!" Jack yelled from the couch. "Let me see!"   
The boys walked into the living room and saw that all of their friends were already there. Jack, Katherine and Finch were sitting on the couch. Romeo was sitting on Specs lap in a chair, while Jojo, Mush, Mike, Ike and Davey were sitting on the ground.   
Crutchie handed the album to Jack who immediately opened it. Katherine rested her head on his shoulder and other boys gathered around them.  
"Romeo, you flirt!" Finch screeched as the looked at a picture of him flirting with Specs, while Crutchie was watching.   
"You can't say it didn't work." Romeo answered with a grin before kissing Specs.   
"Jack where did your abs go?" Katherine asked as they watched at a picture from the day they spend in a water park.  
"HEY!" was his only reaction. The others couldn't contain there laughter, so the whole room was filled with the sound of joy.   
"So now that we're all here, can we start on the liqueur?" Jack asked to change the subject. Crutchie walked away into the kitchen.   
"I'll help him." Davey said just before disappearing in the kitchen. They came back seconds later with a few bottles of beer, a bottle of whiskey, a bottle of red wine and a can full of water and soda for those who were the designated drivers or just wanted to stay sober.

They played games the whole night. It was around midnight that Elmer began growing tired and began to feel the pressure of all the people around him. He was leaning on Spot's shoulder and held his hand in his own.   
"Can we go home?" Elmer asked Spot softly.   
"Sure." Spot answered as he looked into the tired eyes of his boyfriend. He whispered in Albert's ear, who was sitting next to him, and headed over to Race, who was downing his sixth glass of whiskey. It took him some time to get him going, but was finally able to convince him.  
"Bye guys. We're going home." Albert said with a small wave.  
"Wait! Can someone take me home?" asked Jojo. He lived in the opposite direction, but he didn't want to go there on his own.   
"Sure. Why don't I walk you home. Al, Race and Elm, you go ahead. I won't be more than half an hour." Spot said. Albert and Elmer nodded, but Race was to drunk to even notice what he had said.

Albert was walking in the middle of the three. His hand intertwined with Elmer's and his other arm linked in Race's so he wouldn't wander of. Elmer leaned into Albert a bit as they crossed the silent street.   
"Are you okay?" He asked before placing a soft kiss on the slightly younger boy's hair.   
"Just a little overstimulated." He whispered. They were ignoring Race completely. He wasn't even able to walk in a straight line.   
"Why don't you lay down and I'll take a shower and come lie down next to you." Albert said as he opened the door. Elmer took Race's arm and led them to their bedroom. Race crashed down on the bed. Elmer chuckled softly and pulled off Race's shoes. After pulling of his own he laid down next to the drunk boy. Race sat up and climbed on top of Elmer and started kissing him. One of his hands wandered to Elmer's shirt, but Elmer stopped him.   
"Race I'm not in the mood right now." He said.   
"And I don't care." Race said before placing his lips down on his boyfriends lips. Elmer tried to push Race away, but the other boy was stronger. Race's hands were pulling on Elmer's shirt. Elmer turned his head away, so Race was kissing his cheek.   
"Please stop." A tear slipped down his cheek.   
"Ya ain't fun." Race muttered, but kept kissing him. He kissed down the throat and down the chest. With a swift movement he unbuttoned Elmer's pants.   
"Race stop!" Elmer sobbed loud.   
"RACE!" Albert came in running. He pushed Race of Elmer, who curled up on his side with tears still streaming down his face.   
"You are no fun." Race muttered, but was by miracle fast asleep after a few seconds.   
"Elmer, what happened?" Albert asked while wrapping his arms around the crying boy.   
"H-he began kissing me an- and I didn't want to, but he kept going." Elmer said softly.   
_The don't want anything from you but you kisses and body. They don't want you for you._ His mind was talking to him again. Elmer unfold himself and started to stand up.   
"Hey, where are you going?" Albert asked while still holding him in his arms.   
"I- I can't sleep in bed with h-him. I love him, b-but I can't." Elmer said softly in Albert's shoulder.   
"Why don't you just lay here and I'll take Race downstairs. I don't want you to be alone." Elmer nodded and Albert laid him down on the bed. He walked to the other side of the bed and carried Race bridal style down the stairs. When he had laid him down on the couch and had put a blanket over him, Spot came home.   
"What happened?" He asked while looking at his sleeping boyfriend.   
"Race is drunk and he was kissing Elmer, but Elmer didn't want to. Race wouldn't stop and went to far. Elmer wanted to sleep on the couch, but I said that he should stay in bed and that Race would sleep here. We should probably get over there. He needs us right now." Albert explained while looking down at Race. Spot's eyes were wide open, but he walked up the stairs right away.

Elmer was laying in a little ball on the bed. He had already changed into his pyjamas, but Spot and Albert didn't bother to change. They laid down on either side of the little ball and wrapped their arms around him. He was already sleeping, but was really tense.


	5. Chapter 5

"Morning. Why was I asleep on the couch?" Race came walking into the bedroom. He had a headache, but didn't care. Elmer tensed against Spot's side. He gripped Albert's hand and squeezed it, hard.   
"Race why don't you go downstairs. I'll join you there." Spot said while sitting up.   
"Why don't I just go lay down with you?" He still hadn't noticed Elmer being that tense.   
"I said go down stairs. Now." Spot said firmly. Race looked shocked to the boys. He stopped his when he looked at Elmer. He was turned away from him and he was really tense. Without saying anything else he stepped out the room and headed to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. He turned around when he heard Spot enter.   
"Is he alright?" Was the first question that came out of his mouth.   
"I want to say yes, but no he isn't." Spot sighed.   
"What happened?"  
"You were drunk and went to far." Spot said softly while placing a hand on Race's shoulder. The blood left Race's face and he leaned on the counter.   
"This is all my fault." He muttered. He didn't want to hurt his boyfriend.  
"You were drunk. He will be alright, but it will take a while. Just be careful when you're near him." Race nodded, but he was looking at his shoes. Spot put his hands under Race's chin and gently lifted his head so their eyes could meet.   
"It's all going to be fine. Just give it a while, yeah?"   
"Yeah." Spot kissed his brow and took his hand. They walked over to the table and just sat there for a while.

* * *

Spot had just left and Elmer was curled in a ball against Albert.   
"It's okay." Albert whispered in Elmer's ear.   
"I don't- I don't want to be like this." Elmer said softly in Albert's shirt.   
"Don't be like what, honey?"   
"Like a burden. Like I don't belong." Elmer didn't have a filter. It was just his mind. He didn't even know he was talking. Albert was shocked and couldn't find the right words to say.   
_You know you don't belong. Why don't just leave them be in peace._  
"Shut up."   
"I didn't say anything." Albert looked worried at the boy that was now moving away from him. Elmer rolled over and turned his back to Albert.   
"I'm gonna check on Spot and Race. How about you go dress yourself so we can take a walk. You need some fresh air." He rolled out of bed without waiting for an answer. He saw his other two boyfriends sitting at the table when he came downstairs. They were holding hands and Race was leaning against Spot.   
"How is he?" Race asked when Albert put a hand on his shoulder.   
"There is something you two need to know." Albert started. "He just told me that he feels like he doesn't belong and that he's a burden. I don't think that I was meant to hear it."   
"He said what now?" Spot looked shocked at Albert.   
"It has always been his struggle to feel like he belongs. At school, work and even in his family. He has so many brothers and sisters, but he was never truly one of them. He always took care of them, but most of the time wasn't really their brother. More like an adoptive mother." Race explained. He had known Elmer the longest and had even met most of the family.   
"How are we-" Spot stopped mid-sentence when they heard someone approach. Elmer walked down the hallway fully dressed. He stopped in front of the kitchen door. He made quick eye contact, but when he met Race's eyes he looked at his shoes.   
"I- I'm going to Jack's." He mumbled.   
"Do you want someone to take you?" Spot asked him.   
"No." Was all that came out of his mouth. He walked out of the house without giving them the chance to say something else.   
"Al, I need you to call Jack. See if Jack knows about what's happening and fill him in on everything. Ask him if Elmer could stay there for a while, so we have the time to figure it all out." Spot ordered. Albert nodded and walked out of the room to call Jack.   
"Why don't you go pack a small suitcase for him?" Spot whispered softly to Race. The boy was frozen in his seat with tears stinging in his eyes. Spot placed another kiss on his brow and then stood up.   
"What are you going to do?" Race asked him.   
"I'm gonna call his parents and see if anything like this has happened before." He left with that.

When the three boys got back together in the kitchen it was just silent. Race carried a suitcase with him. His knuckles were white and his eyes were red and puffy.   
"Katherine is coming by to get Elmer's stuff. They said that they have a spare room where he can stay for a while." Albert broke the silence. They were all happy that they had Jack, he was like their big brother, but they were sad that they couldn't solve this problem on their own.  
"Elmer's mother told me that this has happened in the past and that it takes him some time to get back on his feet. She said that it was a good thing that he went to Jack's, but that they have to keep him eating. He tends to stop eating if he's 'to far gone'." Spot told them. Race stayed silent. They didn't blame him though. They would feel guilty too if it had been them who was drunken. They were snapped out of their thoughts by a knock on the door. Spot raced over to the door and opened it. It was Katherine. She was wearing a beautiful purple dress.   
"Hey guys." She said softly. She felt guilty for the fact that Elmer came to them instead of his own boyfriends. She was wrapped in a group hug before she could say anything else.   
"Thank you." Albert whispered.   
"No problem." She said with a small smile. "Elmer told me that he doesn't have his phone with him, because it broke a while ago, so if there's anything: just call us. And Jack and I take turns on who's home and Crutchie and Davey are coming over a few days to stay with him." The boys nodded and Race gave her the suitcase.   
"Can you make sure that he eats and talks?" Spot asked her. She simply nodded.   
"I'll go back now. Elmer doesn't know that I'm here, because we don't want to push him away. Bye guys. Hang in there." She said before turning around and walking back to her own house. Albert closed the door and they went to the living room.   
"What are we going to do?" Race asked.   
"Give him some space. If he isn't back by next week... we'll go to him."


	6. Chapter 6

Elmer has been in the guest room for an hour when he heard a soft knock. Jack entered the room and knelt down before Elmer.   
"Hey bud. We've got some of your things. Want me to unpack or are you going to do it yourself?" Jack's voice sounded soft. He was only three years older than himself, but he sounded so much wiser. Maybe it was because he felt like he is his big brother or maybe it wasn't. Elmer wanted to take the suitcase and wrap himself in the familiar smell of his own home, yet he didn't dare to touch it. He hated wearing these clothes, because they reminded him from the place that he wanted to call home. But it wasn't his home anymore.  
 _You hurt the people you love. How can you live with them. You are just a burden. A failu-._ He looked up when he felt an hand on his shoulder. He wrapped Jack in a thought hug without any thinking. Tears were falling from his face, but his face was expressionless at the same time. Jack didn't pull away. He wouldn't as long as Elmer needed him.   
"Can you take my stuff away, please?" Elmer said with a soft cracking voice, but didn't pull away from the hug so Jack didn't either.   
"El, you need your clothes." Elmer just shook his head.   
"How about you borrow some of my clothes for a while." Elmer approved and released Jack from the hug. Jack grabbed the suitcase and headed out of the room.   
"For sure?" He asked while looking around one more time. Elmer nodded.

Jack came back five minutes later with a t-shirt, some jogging pants and a towel.   
"Take a shower." He commanded. Elmer stood up and walked over to the bathroom. There was no lock on the door. Jack had probably removed it.   
_They don't even trust you._ Elmer shook of the thoughts and took a shower. The water brushed over his skin and he loved it. It was like all his worries fell of his shoulders. He put on the clothes Jack had given him when he was done. The blue shirt was to big, but the pants were the right size. He went back to his room and just sat there again. He didn't bother to move and he was happy that he didn't have his phone. That way he wouldn't be tempted to text one of the boys.   
_You don't deserve them. You are just a burden, even to Jack and Katherine._ Elmer didn't take the energy to disagree with his mind. He didn't notice Jack standing in the doorway.   
"Wanna play cards?" He asked him. Elmer was shaken out of his thoughts and nodded. The least he could do was playing a game with Jack. Jack sat down on the other side of the bed and shuffled the cards.

They played a few hours. They laughed a bit, but it wasn't as much as they used to. Jack got frustrated when he lost, which made Elmer smile a little.   
"Dinner!" Katherine yelled at them from the kitchen. Jack stood up and reached out to Elmer with his hand. Elmer took it, but knew he wasn't going to eat. He couldn't eat. There were three plates full with potatoes with salad and sausages on the table. The three sat down and Katherine and Jack began eating. Elmer however didn't. Jack noticed when he was halfway through his own.   
"You should eat." He said to Elmer with a soft voice. Elmer just shook his head.   
"Eat at least the sausages." Katherine told him. Elmer looked at the faces of the people on the table en sighed. He ate the sausages and then put his fork back down on the table.   
"Hey bud, can you try to eat the salad too?" Jack asked. Elmer just shook his head.   
_You don't deserve to eat their food._ He let his mind talk, but just ignored it. It took Jack and Katherine linger to eat the second half of their plate, because they still tried to make Elmer eat.   
"I'm going to bed." Elmer stated when Jack and Katherine were done eating. He stood up and walked away without waiting for an answer.

He never left his room the next four days, only to go to the bathroom, but he never took a shower. He felt like he didn't deserve it. That why he wore the same clothes every day, even if Jack had given him new clothes. There was someone with him everyday, just as Jack had said. Davey was there on Monday, katherine on Tuesday, Crutchie was there on Wednesday and Jack was there that day,Thursday. Elmer wasn't talking so they sat in silence in the guest bedroom. He hadn't slept that much either and Jack was worried. There was a plate of food on the nightstand, but it was untouched.   
"Okay I'm done with it." Jack sighed. "You're either eating the food or I'll call Spot, Albert and Race." Elmer didn't respond. Jack grabbed his phone after a few seconds and called Race. He didn't even bother to leave the room.  
"Hey Race. Are you all home?"  
 _"No. I'm home on my own. Spot an Albert are at work."_  
"Okay. I need you to come over. Elmer won't eat or talk and I can't do anything about it."  
" _I'm on my way."_ He heard Race say before the call ended. Jack sent a quick text to Albert and Spot.  
"You know that we all want the best for you, right?" Elmer didn't answer. He didn't even hear Jack talk. He was in his own world of blackness. His eyes were glassy and held nothing but empty ness. Jack stood up and sighed, which he seemed to do a lot lately. He looked one last time at the boy before walking out of the room. Elmer was pale, his hair was messy and he had lost weight. Jack walked out and closed the door. He was turning on the radio when there was a knock on the door.


	7. Chapter 7

"Let me fill you in first." Jack said before Race could enter the guest bedroom. "He hasn't eaten, slept or moved in five days. You need to stay calm in there, but there is a chance he won't notice you, even if you talk to him." Race nodded and headed in. He released the breath that he didn't knew he held as soon as he saw the small form on the bed.   
"Hey Elmer." Race said softly. Elmer didn't react to his presence. He didn't know if it was a good or bad thing, because he was scared of him the last time they were together.   
"Elmer, I need you to know that I'm sorry." Race said as he sat down on the bed in front of his boyfriend.   
"Can you talk to me?" There was no reaction. Elmer's eyes didn't move and his mouth didn't open. You would think that he was dead if it wasn't for the small rise and fall of his chest. Race placed Elmer's hands between his own. His boyfriends hands were cold. He placed a soft kiss on his knuckles which led to a small reaction. Elmer's eyes locked for a second with Race's, but then looked away again.

 _How long has he been here? What day is it? You're an idiot._ Elmer's mind was going crazy. He hadn't seen, heard or felt anything in what felt like days. He had been in his own mind for five days.   
_He's probably here to take you home, because you are a burden to Jack and Katherine._

Race didn't really know what to do. Elmer at least now knew that he was there and didn't move away from him.   
"Can you talk to me?" He asked Elmer.   
"I- I'm sorry." His voice sounded croaky.   
"You have nothing to be sorry about." Race answered him. He meant it. It was his fault that he got drunk and went too far.

 _Why do you cry so much. You're pathetic._ Elmer's minded yelled at him as tears started to form in his eyes. It was like Race could see the pain in his mostly emotionless eyes. Arms wrapped around his body and he returned the hug after a few seconds. His body was shaking.   
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He rambled om and on.   
"Hey it's okay. Ssssh. It's alright." Race whispered. Elmer tightened his grip. Race was his lightning rod. The only way to bring him home and to be happy again with all of his boyfriends. He was still whispering the 'I'm sorry's.   
_You should be sorry. You are a burden to them. Even to Jack and Katherine. Why take your pathetic problems to them?_ His mind stopped when he felt soft lips connect with his.

Race was thinking. He had to break through to Elmer. There was one thing that came to his mind. The one thing that always shut the boy's mouth. He connected their lips and kissed him passionately. They pulled away after a few seconds.   
"Better?"  
"Better." There was a smile on the boy's face for the first time in days.   
"That was disgusting." Jack said from his place in the doorway. There was a big grin on his face. "If this was all that needed to happen all this time, I would have called him sooner."   
"Shut up." Race said with a small smile.   
"Jack, I'm sorry I-" Elmer started.   
"Don't. Just don't. You know I love you like a brother and that I would do anything for you. All of you." Elmer smiles gratefully at Jack.   
"Thank you." Elmer whispered. Jack winked. There was a knock on the door so he turned around in his heels and opened the door. Spot and Albert raced in without saying another word. They saw Elmer with his hands in Race's when they stormed in to the room.   
"Thank God you're okay." Spot said as he run to Elmer and wrapped him in a hug. Albert followed and wrapped all four of them in the hug. They sat there for a minute before they all got out of their tangled hug.   
"Are you alright?" Albert asked Elmer.   
"It took Race a while, but his sweet kiss got me out of my downwards going spiral." Elmer grinned and leaned in for another short soft kiss. "But I'm really tired and I wanna go home." He leaned his head on Spot's shoulder.  
"I'll talk to Jack and then we go. Is that okay?" Albert asked. Elmer nodded. Albert stood up and walked out of the room.

"Thank you for everything." Albert walked over to Jack and wrapped him in a hug which he gladly returned.   
"Hey, like I told El and Race before: I love you all like brothers. I do anything for you." Jack said without pulling out of the hug.   
"I know, but it feels like we just shoved this on you. It isn't really fair and all."   
"It doesn't matter. Though something for next time: Davey is considered the mother hen of the group, which he showed when he came over to watch over El, maybe next time ask him for help too." Albert pulled out of the hug laughing.   
"Don't think that you are one to talk." Elmer grinned as he walked into the room. Elmer wrapped Jack in a hug too.   
"Thank you, again. I'll wash your clothes before I give them back. It's the least I can do." Elmer said when he pulled away from the hug.   
"Keep them. Kath won't let me wear it anyway."  
"Don't you shove that on me!" Katherine said sternly, but a small grin betrayed her. No one had noticed her entering. All Jack could do was laugh nervously, but wrapped an arm around her when she stood next to him.   
"Thank you, Kath." Elmer said. "I know I haven't been the easiest."   
"It's nothing." She said with a soft smile.   
"You should head home though. Looks like Elmer could fall asleep every second now." Jack laughed as his friend was leaning full weight against Albert.   
"Shut up." Came almost inaudible out of his mouth. It made all of the boys laugh, but they did leave. They were all tired from what had happened.


	8. Chapter 8

It's been a month since everything that had happened and they were all happy. Spot was making breakfast in the kitchen when Elmer came down.   
"What are you making?" Elmer asked as he wrapped his arms around the shorter boys waist from the back.   
"Pancakes." Was the answer.  
"With bacon?" They heard Race from the stairs.   
"Yes, there is a full plate of pancakes with bacon for you." Spot said with a grin. Race stood next to the boys and kissed both of them before heading to set the table.   
"You should wear that for the rest of the day." Race smirked as Albert came in with only a towel wrapped around his middle. Albert kisses Race before heading over to Spot and Elmer.   
"Was thinking about going to the park today. What do you think?" He asked after planting a kiss on Elmer's lips and Spot's hair, because he was to busy baking the pancakes.   
"Sounds nice." Elmer said. "Though you might want to wear a little more than that."   
"Please don't!" Race yelled at him.   
"Of course." Albert grinned before heading back upstairs.

The park was just as buzzy as normal, but non of the boys noticed. They were happy. They had taken a blanket with them and a picnic basket filled with all kinds of snacks. Race had also brought a frisbee, which somehow let to them tackling each other to the ground laughing. It was mostly because they laughed at the fact that Elmer could catch it most of the time.

They laid down on the blanket after an hour of intensive frisbee. Race laid on Spot on one side of basket and Albert laid on Elmer on the other side. Both Spot and Elmer played with the hair of the boyfriend on top of them. They were all tired, but enjoyed the peace and silence. Albert felt the hand in his hair stop after ten minutes. He saw Elmer sleeping peacefully when he looked up to see why the hand had stopped.   
"Can someone take a picture?" Albert grinned from his position as he looked over to Spot and Race. Race grabbed his phone with a grin and took a picture.   
"Who wants a snack?" Spot whispered while his hand hovered above the picnic basket.   
"Give me one of those brownies." Albert said while he reached out with his hand to get it from Spot.   
"Mhm?" They heard Elmer.   
"Morning sleeping beauty." Albert said with a small grin and sat up so he could get into another position and kissed Elmer.   
"What'd I miss?" He asked sleepily.   
"Not much. We were just eating snacks and laughing at the picture I took of you." Race stated with a grin.   
"Well, someone has to look good while sleeping and you certainly don't." Elmer said with a grin, which transformed into a full laugh when he got shocked faces from his boyfriends. "But you are the most beautiful human beings when you are awake." He said to make it up to them.   
"I'm willing to live with that." Spot said with a grin. "As long as we agree on the fact that I'm the most beautiful while asleep, from us three then." They all laughed and muttered a 'sure'.

Elmer and Albert began cooking diner as soon as they got home. It was home made pizza. They were in a fight about wether or not pineapple should be on the pizza's so they decided to do half with and half without. There was lots of flour around the kitchen, but they had it cleaned quickly with a little help from a few kisses to get their motivation back.

They ate the pizza in front of the tv.   
"What are we going to watch?" Spot asked while grabbing the remote control.   
"PRINCES DIARIES!" Race yelled.   
"No way! How about Avengers?" Albert suggested.   
"How about Star Wars?" Spot added to the list of options.   
"Why don't we watch Gifted. The one with Chris Evans? It's not that romantic, but not sci-fi. A compromise we can all live with." Elmer said. There were nods and Spot stood up from his place on the couch and grabbed the DVD.

They were at the half of the movie when Race fell asleep. They were all laid down on the couch by then. Spot at the end with Albert leaning in to him, Elmer was laying with his had on Albert's lap and Race was laying with Elmer's arms wrapped around him. Elmer chuckled when he heard a soft snoring sound coming from the boy in his arms, but couldn't stop himself from drifting of to sleep only minutes later. Albert was playing with Elmer's hair, but stopped when he noticed the sleeping boy.   
"I think we're stuck here for the night." He chuckled and leaned in to give Spot a soft kiss. Spot quickly grabbed a few blankets from a chair near him and put one over the sleeping boys and one over Albert and himself. By the time the credits rolled, they were all fast asleep. All of them were happy and they would always be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya guys. I just wanted to write a happy ending to the story. It is shorter than other chapters, but I didn't really want a book with only sad chapters.   
> Hope you enjoyed. ;)
> 
> ~F


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